tonight i feel like a boy.

tonight i will wear my sweater vest and bind my chest as much as i can.

tonight i will wear boots and stomp hard on the street, shuffling my feet and greet each passerby with a nod.

tonight i'll make my voice drop to a lower bracket and I'll wear my father's baggy jacket he got when he was in jail simply because it has his male name on it.

tonight i'll be a fag and give cute gay boys the eye to which they might reply if they think i'm cute too; if they penetrate the outside and look through.

tonight ill answer only to the name my mother wouldn't dream of giving me and climb trees and let myself feel perfectly free spitting in alley ways sorting through the haze of the testosterone gaze from men in the men's room. they'll give me dirty looks but in my book I'll have given dirtier ones...

tonight i'll forget i have two tits and a cunt that's bleeding and a job that's feeding the corporate toy where it's great to be a man, but not okay to be a boi...

tongiht i construct my own gender out of cotton and denim and a lettle bit of leather

tonight my partner will call me "he" and tell me she misses her boyfriend who's so far away...

tonight things will go all my way.

tonight i'll go kickin around letting my inside hang out as i breathe in the fall air and wash away my doubt

tonight i'll be decidely he, decidely me so you can decidely see what this world could decidely be.

much love

haidyn

04 October, 2002 - 21:32

behind - ahead