i don't miss the things i had. i miss the things i can't remember.

My memory is slowly deteriorating. I can't remember a lot of my childhood. I can't remember what i was like in high school. What was once central has turned into periferal, and what was once periferal has disappeared completely.

so I don't miss staying up late playing wahaba in the sessions coridoors.

i don't miss painting countless banners.

i don't miss smoking cigarettes in the annex over j-term. or going sledding. or bowling. or to dub dub.

i sure as shit don't miss the theatre.

i miss all those things I can't even know about. Like all the discussions that ever happened on the porch swing.

or all the parties i ever went to.

or the time she looked at me. or i caught his eye and smiled. or the time we laughed so hard about that one thing, I thought i was gonna die. or they. the countless they that were once a part of my life, who's names are already lost, and who's faces are blurring into darkness.

i miss the unknown.

and there's no way to get it back.

so if i stare a little too long the next time i see you, or pause a little to much the next time we speak. I'm trying to create a memory. Something to hold onto when everything else fades away.

-d

24 November, 2002 - 09:58

behind - ahead