i don't miss the things i had. i miss the things i can't remember. My memory is slowly deteriorating. I can't remember a lot of my childhood. I can't remember what i was like in high school. What was once central has turned into periferal, and what was once periferal has disappeared completely. so I don't miss staying up late playing wahaba in the sessions coridoors. i don't miss painting countless banners. i don't miss smoking cigarettes in the annex over j-term. or going sledding. or bowling. or to dub dub. i sure as shit don't miss the theatre. i miss all those things I can't even know about. Like all the discussions that ever happened on the porch swing. or all the parties i ever went to. or the time she looked at me. or i caught his eye and smiled. or the time we laughed so hard about that one thing, I thought i was gonna die. or they. the countless they that were once a part of my life, who's names are already lost, and who's faces are blurring into darkness. i miss the unknown. and there's no way to get it back.
so if i stare a little too long the next time i see you, or pause a little to much the next time we speak. I'm trying to create a memory. Something to hold onto when everything else fades away.
-d
24 November, 2002 - 09:58
behind - ahead
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